It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

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驾校代扣分新规定驾校公众号文章驾校代扣分新规定驾校到期换证上海周日驾校的班车是管接送驾校从几月开始刷脸驾校电子围栏是什么驾校倒查制度驾校分训合同驾校的收费票据样板驾校的那些事图片驾校代扣分新规定驾校电子围栏屏蔽驾校的那些事驾校倒查制度驾校的收费票据样板驾校电子围栏原理驾校的呼叫专员干啥的驾校的呼叫专员干啥的驾校补考有几次机会驾校搞笑砸玻璃驾校的呼叫专员干啥的驾校分训合同驾校补考费是什么时候驾校的班车是管接送驾校挂靠车辆合同范本驾校到期换证上海周日驾校补考费是什么时候驾校补考有几次机会驾校电子围栏屏蔽(建议从15章开始看,小白到来,前期感觉不到位,写的有点无趣,后来渐入佳境,请书友不要轻易放弃,给点支持!) “宿主,你不是说你是以蝼蚁之躯游历红尘的巨龙吗?怎么被人捕捉到地牢内受刑了?” 浑身邋遢的君临仙无奈摇头“唉!巨龙也会有打盹的时候,别想以此逼我修炼呀!” 离火宗大殿内,“逆子!这就是你干的好事!你看他徒弟,擎天战神苍凌天,修罗狂刀辛无畏,万灵丹后陈黎,百逐幻影林踪白,天厄毒帝周雅妃,翻天魔少枭痕,八臂天王牧婺,万阵女帝紫嫣然,还有那新收的剑修裂无痕,这些人哪个不是从尸山尸海爬过来的,一不留神我们离火宗就毁了!”诸天万界,我人族曾屹立于巅峰。然,圣人逝去,山河染血,我兆亿同胞损失殆尽,几近灭族。 但我人族还在,纵使战至一兵一卒,纵使天塌地陷,我等不屈,我等不服。 我人族之魂还在,我人族脊梁不弯,为我人族而杀,为我人族而战,诸天万族,人族不灭。角色: 泠竹:泠竹 尚祁:尚祁 主要角色有泠竹父亲,泠竹妹妹,男主尚祁,以及制造冰球的反派人物甲和乙。 大概是世界末日到了,全球气温骤降,导致很多地方都失去了昔日的生机,每过一段时间就会有巨大的冰球将地球上的某一生存地给毁灭碾压。而这次终于轮到泠族部落所在的区域了。 数万年前天地初开,混沌污浊不堪,祖龙异,化,变得邪恶,天下黎明百姓苦不堪言,天降4位如神一般的存在,破开乱世,救天龙星于水火。恍惚之间,世人人间蒸发。半梦半醒,我辈何去何从?人类文明消失之后,便是我等废材狂欢之时。游历在这片繁华的废墟,神早已安排好了奇遇。虚拟现实游戏《冷兵器时代》发售,它硬核的游戏设计和相当于现实中地球3倍体积的世界,让它在发售之前就受到了全民的追捧。 当然,地球共和国亚洲区公民朱天云作为一名历史扮演爱好者和历史爱好者,也是毫不犹豫的预定了一台机器,成为了这个世界中的穆拉多伯爵。然而,一个可怕的阴谋,就十分不起眼的隐藏着在这个制作精良的游戏中。 号角震天,群鸦蔽日,军旗招展,长矛林立。 漫天黄沙之中的古拉姆奴隶战士、武艺高强的军事修会骑士、东方草原上弯弓射雕的勇士、寒冷的北国土地上踏着整齐的步伐,昂首挺胸向着前方缓缓推进的重装步兵……战乱不断,血洒战场! 贵族们的尔虞我诈,针锋相对;百姓们的生活不易,民不聊生;士兵们对受封田产、带着累累的战功和数目令人眼红的战利品解甲归田、儿孙满堂、不愁吃喝的美好盼望……一个有血有肉的世界,等待您的探索! 慢热,永不收费,主角会以一个普通人的方式进入游戏,没有不同于他人的方面(包括系统,运气等)焱朝衰微,天下动乱。昭以天命一步步称王称帝,一统天下。男主人公沐无言出生低微,却能出将入相,为昭国之栋梁之才…… 叶星辰本是天命神话,却遭奸人所害,性命垂危…… 十五年后,北荒一少年以雷霆万钧之势崛起,踏天骄,携红颜,打爆各种神体王体,铸就诸天万界无敌神话! 以最震慑的雷霆!击碎最沉重的黑暗! 地球停转,末日来袭。 灾难接踵而来,人类为了生存终于是暴露出潜藏在内心的阴暗。 欺骗,背叛让人与人之间最后的一层遮羞布被饥饿、求生欲狠狠的撕下。 别人为了一块面包,可以出卖尊严。 而我,坐拥一块地,守护着自己爱的人和爱我的人! ……剑未妥,江湖早,纵使不懂,也不默,少年啊,不归呀,吾辈皆是英雄! 鸟惊忽现白马,飘飘锦衣落梨花,少年呀,归来呀,千年谁复重生?一剑动京华!
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